A teddy bear changed my life.

In one moment, my relationship with my mother changed from a mother-daughter dynamic to good friends. You might think that a teddy bear would be a strange catalyst for such a thing to occur. It's a toy for a small child, right? But, if you think about it, it's really a universal symbol of comfort.

My mother and I never saw eye to eye when I was growing up. I was extremely stubborn, and lived a life of relative freedom that my mother never had in her youth, being the only child of very strict parents. While she was supportive and nurturing of me to the best of her abilities, there were many aspects of my behavior that I'm sure caused my mother to cringe. I was pretty unruly at times; a classic teenager.

Regardless, I survived. (So did she!) And I grew into a fairly responsible young woman. I moved away to the northeast in my early twenties, rarely having the opportunity to visit my southern home. Yet the dynamic of our relationship remained the same: She was the mother; the caregiver and nurturer. I was the daughter: the receiver of her care and nurturing.

But in 1996, my father had a heart attack and required surgery to eliminate the blockage to his heart. Friends and family were gathered in the waiting area at the hospital, sitting next to my mother to offer comfort. I watched from a chair nearby. She was trying hard to be strong and maintain faith that everything would be ok. I could tell she was struggling to hold it together. My parents had been together for 40 years at the time. The thought of spending her days without her husband was unimaginable.

I went to the cafeteria to get her something to drink and passed by the gift shop. There in the window was the teddy bear. It seemed so logical to me to buy it for a grown woman in her 50s, rather than a child. She needed something to hold onto. Spiritually, she was a child: fearful of the future; needing the support and comfort a simple teddy bear could offer. At first, she may have thought it was a silly gift. But she held onto that teddy bear all night, and her whole demeanor changed. She seemed to suddenly have hope.

My father survived the experience and they recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. She never said anything to me directly, but about a year later, a friend told me that my mother's perception of our relationship was forever altered by that experience. I was no longer just her daughter. I was her friend too.

The teddy bear lives with me now. When Aetheria Spa recently had the opportunity to host classes for infant massage at the Jewish Community Center in Stamford, we demonstrated the techniques on my old friend. The experience was profound for me and Lauren, our infant massage instructor. (Lauren was also inspired to honor her mother. You can read about her thoughts here.) That teddy bear has had a valuable existence: offering comfort to grown women in times of need, as well as offering guidance to new mothers in how to comfort their babies through touch.

My mother turns 70 this week. I want her to know what an incredible woman she is and what she means to me. She will always be my mother. But, more importantly, she's my friend.

Happy Mother's Day and have a wonderful 70th birthday.

With all my love,

Beth

Elizabeth Gans is a CT licensed Massage Therapist and owner of
Aetheria Relaxation Spa.